Yellow Tail Sweet Red Roo

I have spent a lot of time hemming and hawing over whether or not to write this. The reason being that I have never reviewed a wine on here that I have found to be abysmal. There is always this part of me that is afraid of giving a wine a terrible review and invoking the wrath of devotees or even hurt sales. But then I said to myself, "Self, you're being silly. The twelve people who read your blog aren't going boycott Yellow Tail and put them out of business. And as for invoking wrath, hey, that's the risk you take when you put your opinions out there on the interwebs, right?"

So here goes, my first F- review...
Generally speaking, I like my whites sweet and my reds dry. So perhaps I should have seen it coming when I wanted to spit Yellow Tail's Sweet Red Roo (SRR, cause I'm lazy) back into my glass. This wine was almost painful to drink. Not because of the flavor --although I wasn't a fan of that either-- but because it's so sweet. This wine is so sweet that any actual flavor is nearly undiscernable.

The first thing you'll notice is that the SRR has a vibrant red color. It smells heavily (surprise!) of sugar. Not like the granulated kind, but a syrupy sweetness. Not altogether unpleasant.
The sip, however, is COMPLETELY overwhelmed by this sweetness. If you're a fan of high-fructose corn syrup as a beverage, this won't much matter to you. But if you're expecting something that will taste even vaguely alcoholic (or like wine), you will probably be disappointed.

No.

To get a good idea of what I mean, go to the store, buy yourself a bottle of grape juice, break the seal and leave it your trunk from June 1st to September 1st. Voila! Also, your teeth might ache. And you might bounce off the walls for a little while. And if you drink enough, I can promise you the worst hangover of your life.

One positive side to all this...it will make you feel like a teenager again. Pour it into a soda bottle and drink it in your parents' basement for good measure. On a serious note, this wine is best served chilled, and would be a nice compliment to any hot-tub-type party. If you're planning one and have non-wine-drinking company coming over, the SRR is a good place to start. Just watch out for the morning after; it's a doozy!


Price: $


Rating: F- (I wasn't kidding)

Peter Brum Zeller Schwarze Katz, 2008

Now that I’ve fully recovered from my pilgrimage... uh...I mean field trip... to Westfield, we’re back to our regularly scheduled weekly tastings. This past weekend, only my taste-buds visited the fabulous Mosel region of Germany, where many of the world’s most exciting Rieslings (i before e, except after c...) and Riesling-based blends are born. Rieslings are generally bright, sweet and refreshing wines with a sometimes yeasty quality if not done right—but you can bet your hinterbacken that they're done right in Mosel.

 

I've been exposed to my fair
share of attack cats. This is
Arthur, guarding my diary.

For my (and your) tasting pleasure, today's offering will be the Peter Brum Zeller Schwarze Katz. Hailing from the town of Zell on the steep sloping banks of the Moselle River in Germany, Zeller Schwarze Katz wines are fun to drink and have a great story to go along with the great name: Legend has it that back in lederhosen times, there was a black cat that fiercely guarded the finest wine in town. When some wine merchants arrived at the town wine cellar to try some of the wines, the black cat ferociously guarded one of the barrels by swatting and hissing at anyone who came near it. The merchants, in their infinite wisdom, took this not as a sign that the cat was rabid and/or protecting its litter of kittens that were sleeping behind the barrel—this likely scenario is purely speculation on my part— but that the cat must be protecting the best wine. Thenceforth the Black Cat of Zell (Zeller Schwarze Katz) became the official symbol for the town and its quality wine. Because if a cat will attack you over it, it must be good, right?

This pissed off cat is ready to
schlagen your hinterer teil des
menschlichen beckens*.

Right. Sunday evening, after a long day of doing pretty much nothing, I decided that while I was watching some Olympic highlights before bed I would have a glass of the Peter Brum Zeller Schwarze Katz and then tell you alllllll about it. It’s a predominantly Riesling blend of a dazzling yellow color with a crisp, zesty scent that clouds into your nostrils and continues all the way down to tickle the base of your throat. Xxx xxxx xxxxxxx x xxxxx xxx xxxxxx xxxx xx xxxxx. (The previous statement has been removed due to inevitability of "that's what she said" jokes).

 

...the bottle is pretty too.

The taste is not nearly as cloying as the aroma. The Peter Brum Zeller has a pleasant, light flavor. It's a sweet but relatively uneventful wine—it doesn’t change much on the palate but rather begins with quick, crisp floral flavors on the tip of the tongue and ends with some minerality and a little warmth in the chest. There isn’t much middle to speak of; it starts bright, fades quickly and returns for a smooth finish without that “beery” quality some white wines tend to have.

 

The Peter Brum Zeller Schwarze Katz is a well done table wine, perfect for late afternoon drinks on the patio or after dinner digestifs in front of the TV. But beware; this wine is no sipper. It’s refreshing and light, so if you’re thirsty (like I was) you will find yourself polishing off a third glass before you know it. And once you’ve had three glasses you might as well have four and then whoops, there goes the entire bottle. Don't worry, I wouldn’t think any less of you for it...

Glass number "three"

Price: $

My Rating: B+


* P.S. Because I know you're wondering, "hinterer teil des
menschlichen beckens" is loosely translated as "rear part of the human pelvis." You're welcome.